Jack drops Robert and Andy off at school. Neither of them is very enthusiastic. Andy asks Jack why he was sleeping in the spare room this morning and Jack makes up the excuse that he was snoring. He then sees Rachel walking into school for her first day as school secretary. Roy answers the door to Betty who has come round to clean for them. She then makes an insensitive remark about Jan and Ned goes mad. He orders her out of the house. Marlon is wearing Kathy's dressing gown. He seems to have settled in at the cottage and shows no sign of leaving. It is Zak's birthday. His candles have been placed in his fried breakfast. Lisa and Mandy give him a shirt and Sam has bought him a cyber pet. He explains that it is an electronic pet and Zak is disappointed until Sam tells him that Butch and he have got a special present for him after breakfast. A stranger walks into the wine bar and asks for Marlon. Eric is rude to her until she reveals that she is a television researcher for the company that makes Nigel Hibbert's Regional Smells programme. They want to feature the Wine Bar after Marlon wrote to them. It is also Kim's birthday. Steve has bought her some pearls, but she was hoping he would give her the video. He lies and tells her that he has destroyed it and did not even watch it. Chris throws a present at Kim - a gold embossed cheque book. The Dingles proudly take Zak to show him Priscilla the pig - his birthday present, but she has slipped her lead and drunk some beer. Andy tells Robert that his mum and dad are not really back together, they are just pretending for the sake of social services. Andy blames Rachel and wants revenge. Eric is excited about his possible television experience. Kathy reminds him that Marlon made all this happen. Ned still refuses to visit Jan. The Dingles are out looking for Priscilla. Rachel catches Andy and Robert writing some graffiti about her on a school sign. She is rubbing it out when the head walks past. Ned finds Priscilla the pig - she has destroyed all their fresh fruit and vegetables in one of the tunnels. Ned is furious with the Dingles for the pig escaping. He thinks that there is a conspiracy against the Glovers. He is further annoyed when the alarm goes off on Zak's cyber pet as it needs feeding. Rachel has told the head that Robert and Andy had nothing to do with the graffiti. She makes them apologise to her and says that she will take them home later. Alan and Roy cannot persuade Ned to visit Jan. He is fed up with supporting her through crisis after crisis. Zak is having a pint in the Woolpack when Marlon brings him a birthday cake. He squashes it with his pint and refuses to speak to him or forgive him. Rachel has taken Robert and Andy home and demands an apology from Sarah. Jack tells her to go and Andy lets them know that he heard them talking about their sham marriage yesterday. Betty and Eric tell a depressed Marlon that Nigel Hibbert is coming to the Wine Bar next week. He is ecstatic. Eric manages to get him out of the way by giving him the night off. He bumps into Lyn and takes her back to Kathy's. Sarah and Jack argue. She does not like the fact that Jack did not tell her about Rachel working at the school. Marlon and Lyn are getting friendly on Kathy's sofa when she walks in with Alice. She orders them out of the house. Lisa makes Zak use his birthday money to pay Ned back, but he refuses to take it. Zak's pet needs feeding again. Marlon has got somewhere else in mind to stay tonight. Butch follows him and Lyn to Billy's caravan and throws a stone through the window. Marlon is prepared for a fight now.


Regular cast

Guest cast



  • This episode leaves a continuity error, as Zak and Kim's birthdays have been previously and subsequently celebrated on 19th January.
January 1998 episodes
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